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Named in honor of Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, the Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool by removing themselves from it.

Star Wars
2006 Darwin Award Winner, Confirmed True by Darwin

(2006, England) The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who, uh, remove themselves from it…

Like two people, 17 and 20, who imitated Darth Vader and made light sabres from fluorescent light tubes. That’s right, they opened up fluoresceent tubes, poured gasoline inside, and lit the end… As one can imagine, a Star Wars sized explosion was not far behind. One died, the other survived to ‘fess up to their creative, but stupid, reenactment.

Darwin says: “Some moderators say 17 is too young, but I disagree. This one passes the “minors rule” because 17 is legal driving age. Old enough to pump gas is old enough to know not to light it.”

Reference: BBC News, Daily Telegraph, (news.bbc.co.uk)

Hammer of Doom
2006 Darwin Award First Runner Up, Confirmed True by Darwin

(August 2006, Brazil) August brings us a winner from Brazil, who tried to disassemble a Rocket Propelled Grenade (RPG) by driving back and forth over it with a car. This technique was ineffective, so he escalated to pounding the RPG with a sledgehammer. The second try worked–in a sense. The explosion proved fatal to one man, six cars, and the repair shop wherein the efforts took place.

14 more RPG grenades were found in a car parked nearby. Police believe the ammunition was being scavenged to sell as scrap metal. If it wasn’t scrap then, it certainly is now!
[Reference: Odia (Brazil), msnbc.com, UK Daily Mail.]

(2006, Vietnam) In a similar event, a Rolling Stone isn’t all that gathers no moss. Three men scavenging for scrap metal found an unexploded 500-pound bomb perched on a hill, and decided to retrieve it with help from Sir Isaac Newton. As they rolled the bomb down the hillside according to the laws of gravity, the bomb detonated, leaving a four-meter crater and sending the three entrepreneurs to a face-to-face meeting with their Maker. [Reference: http://www.wistv.com/Global/story.asp?S=4654276]
High on Life
2006 Darwin Award Second Runner-Up, Confirmed True by Darwin

(3 June 2006, Florida) Two more candidates have thrown themselves into the running for a Darwin Award. The feet of Jason and Sara, both 21, were found protruding from a deflated, huge helium advertising balloon. Jason was a college student, and Sara attended community college, but apparently their education had glossed over the importance of oxygen.

When one breathes helium, the lack of oxygen in the bloodstream causes a rapid loss of consciousness. Some euthanasia experts advocate the use of helium to painlessly end one’s life.

The pair pulled down the 8′ balloon, and climbed inside. Their last words consisted of high-pitched, incoherent giggling as they slowly passed out and passed into the hereafter.

Sheriff’s deputies said the two were not victims of foul play. No drugs or alcohol were found. The medical examiner reported that helium inhalation was a significant factor in their deaths. A family member said “Sara was mischievous, to be honest. She liked fun and it cost her.”

Stubbed Out
2006 Darwin Award Nominee, Confirmed True by Darwin

(17 April 2006, England) There’s always someone who thinks good advice doesn’t apply to him. For example, if a doctor advises that the one thing you must not do is go near a flame, as you are going to be covered wtih a flammable material, most people would take this advice onboard, and not strike a match until the flammable material has been removed.

However, Phillip, 60, knew better than his doctor. Philip was in the hospital to treat a skin disease, said treatment consisting of being smeared in paraffin-based cream. Philip was warned that the cream would ignite, so he definitely should NOT smoke. But he just couldn’t live without that cigarette.”

Smoking was not permitted anywhere on the ward, but Phillip took this setback in stride, and sneaked out onto a fire escape. Once he was hidden, he lit up… inhaled… and peace descended as he got his nicotine fix. Things went downhill only after he finished his cigarette, at the moment he ground out the butt with his heel.

The paraffin cream had been absorbed by his clothing. As his heel touched the butt, fumes from his pyjamas ignited. The resulting inferno “cremated” his skin condition, and left first-degree burns on much of his body. Despite excellent treatment, he died in intensive care.

Using the Darwin checklist:

1.Reproduction — if he has children, he’s not having more.
2.Excellence — this one I’ll remember!
3.Self-Selection — he was warned paraffin & flames don’t mix.
4.Maturity — At 60 I guess he was old enough.
5.Veracity — Major UK news carriers covered the story.

This ticks all the boxes, and though I feel sorry for the family, his death acts as a warning to others. If a doctor tells you not to smoke, there’s a very good reason.
[Reference: mirror.co.uk, the Guardian]

More Darwin Award 2006 Nominees: Darwin Awards

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